Splitting: Love Bombing and Why it Happens
Have you ever noticed that when you first meet someone, you feel all in? You might feel excited, hopeful, like they truly understand you, like you’ve known them your whole life even though you just met — and then suddenly, just as fast, everything flips?
One day they feel amazing.
The next day you feel disconnected, disappointed, or unsure.
If that sounds familiar, you might be experiencing something called splitting.
Splitting, in Simple Terms:
Splitting is when our mind has a hard time holding the “good” and the “not-so-good” parts of someone (or ourselves) at the same time.
Instead, people tend to feel:
“This person is incredible”
or“This person is disappointing / unsafe / not right for me”
There’s very little middle ground.
How Splitting Shows Up in Real Life
Splitting often shows up in relationships, especially early on. Some common examples:
Getting very excited very fast when you meet someone
Feeling an instant emotional connection or intensity
Thinking, “This feels different. This feels special.”
Wanting a lot of closeness right away
This can sometimes look like or overlap with lovebombing—either receiving it or unintentionally doing it yourself.
Then, just as quickly:
The excitement fades
Small flaws feel much bigger
You start pulling away or questioning everything
You feel confused: “What changed?”
Why Does This Happen?
Splitting isn’t a flaw or something “wrong” with you.
It usually develops when someone grew up in relationships that felt inconsistent, overwhelming, or emotionally unsafe. When closeness didn’t feel predictable, the nervous system learned to think in extremes as a form of protection.
At some point, seeing people as:
all good felt safer
all bad felt safer
Holding both at the same time felt too hard.
Why Splitting Feels So Intense
When splitting is happening, relationships can feel:
Very intense at the beginning
Emotionally confusing
Short-lived or unstable
Draining or disappointing over time
It can also affect how you see yourself—feeling confident and secure one moment, then unsure or self-critical the next.
The Good News: This Can Change
Splitting is not permanent.
In therapy, people slowly learn how to:
Tolerate mixed feelings
See others as more complex and human
Stay emotionally connected even when things aren’t perfect
Build relationships that feel steadier and safer over time
The goal isn’t to get rid of strong feelings—it’s to make room for both/and instead of either/or.
If This Resonates With You
If relationships tend to start intensely and end quickly, or if emotional closeness feels exciting and scary at the same time, you’re not alone.
These patterns make sense—and they’re workable.
With support, it’s possible to move toward relationships that feel less like a rollercoaster and more like solid ground.
